Joseph Edgar was my senior in secondary school. He is a rare breed indeed and one very good nature about him which I also cherish is that he charts his own course without caring whose ox is gored. That's the way I see him. He contested an alumni election and I was his director of publicity also contesting as PRO. I bet you that was the first time an alumni election would shake the fabric of our nation. This is story for another day and I believe he will share his thoughts in his writing style soon.
This particular story of 'nacking oyinbo' is quite entertaining. If you look at it with Pope's eye, na you sabi. The word 'nack' simply means having sexual relationship with someone and 'oyinbo' means white skinned or foreign lady. Do enjoy this story with a mind to laugh.
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I have always wanted to experience it with a white woman. It was on my bucket list, something I needed to do before I became a responsible citizen
The prospect wasn't enticing because of their skinny nature but the curiosity was empowering and what would I have to tell my great grandchildren if I didn't cross the rubicon?
So opportunity came. I was a young stockbroker with money. I was rich and had earned my first N1m in 1996.
This particular year, I had earned over 40million naira as commission on a transaction and 'I ran mad'. Took myself to America for three weeks and ended up in London for another one week before I carry my 'millionaire head' come back Nigeria.💖🔥
So this day, me and my men. I cannot mention thier names. They now are almost grandfather and do not have the kind of mind I have to take the heat- I go say sorry na
So we took a tour of London underground. We went to all the bookshops and strip clubs. Took lap dances and slotted the coins which opened a window where you will see a live naked woman expose themselves but you can't touch.
I was bored. My friends were excited. They had been mummified. "How can these skinny things turn you on", I screamed.
The breasts were looking like unripe agbalumo (cherry) and their bums looked like flattened pancakes. No hips nothing😳🤯.
"Mbok, let's go I am tired'. By this time, all that was in my head was the hugeness of a real Nigerian woman (an Akwa Ibom woman to be precise). The mighty breast that can break your head if it swung towards you and the big bums that have been known to suffocate many men when sat on.🤣😂
As we walked away one old polish man came. "Do you want models" he asked in bad English.
I say "what is wrong with this one?" Do I look like kelechi Amadi Obi. But my friends said Model is slang for call girl. I say wow.😜
They said, "Oya lets try. Just this once. Nobody will know". I was curious I say but what if they catch us I will not use transport money to settle police case o.😂🤣😂
They say, let's all just try this once and share the experience. But from the way they were doing it was obvious that my friends where veterans. 👍
Anyways we found ourselves in one apartment infront of a very fat woman. She say I have the whole of Europe here I say "just give me fat one".
She say "you are lucky, one very fat one just arrived". She showed me the door. By this time I no see my friends again. Noise already coming from their rooms. "See people wey say na dem first time."
Well, I enter the girl be like tadpole. The only fat thing in her body was her head.🤣😂🤣😂
She greeted me and said she was from Poland. I say "Nigeria". She say "ohhhh I know Nigeria it's next to Jamaica". I say "yes".🥊🤣
Na so I want become diplomat o shagging Poland. If na now I for ask for Russian to show Putin.
Well she stripped. I almost vomit. Her ribs complete I count am. Her breast none existing. Na only two nipples dey for the chest standing out and looking at me with fear
She looked like a 9year old boy. I say "these people are mad o"🤯😳. This would be wickedness to do anything with this one o. She needs food instead of an ibibio man's dick o📺📸🎤.
She pulled out the condom and asked for my HIV status. I say I clean. She tore the condom out of the pack and asked me to strip. I say wait. Let me gather my thoughts🚦.
She say what is the problem. I say nothing. How was I going to tell her that I couldn't get it up. That I was not in the least aroused and wanted to just run away. 👁️👁️👀
How would she react. Will she call police on me from shame? I had paid. Do I offer her more money to free myself as I have entered this one?❓📻
I looked down at myself and my thing had shrunk. It will not even manage. The thing used to be arrogant like that.🤣😂🤣😂
She came close and tried to touch me. I pulled back. It was like a young boy trying to touch me. I begged. I said "please no".👁️👁️
She said "ohhh I know your type. First time with a woman. A virgin". She called out - "I got me a virgin and the others started clapping and screaming". That was their ritual.🔥👏
Me virgin? You that I am pitying. If I climb this one, police wil catch me for murder o. I will break her into two o🤣😂🤣
I was even looking at her to see how she even wanted to collect this one. She looked so 'babyish' I said no.🚦
I begged her and told her that I was not totally healthy. That medical things were doing me that I cannot tell her. I gave her another 100 pounds and said she should use that to compensate for loss of business.💰💰
She hugged me and said, you are a nice man. You are not like your other Jamaican brothers. I said don't mind dem they don't bathe.🤣😂😂
I came out of the room and my men were already standing there with sheepish smiles on their faces asking "how did it go?"
I said, ' I finish the girl. I nack am 4 rounds non-stop, she sef know wetin touch am today.💪🥊😳😜
They said, "but why we no hear noise for your room". I say "I use pillow cover her mouth make she no wake Queen from sleep, you know say we near Buckingham Palace"🤣😂🤣😂
As we joined the train, they made me swear with my great grandfather's head that I will not tell a soul what happend today,' after all na all of us nack' the fools concluded😬😜
I said ok. Me sef no tell anybody. And I will never tell anybody this story forever and ever🙄🤣😂😜📻📺🎤📸
Duke of Shomolu (Joseph Edgar) is an investment banker and filmmaker who has broken the jinx in terms of theatre production. He is a weirdo who never believes in impossibility. Once he is resolved, he delves into the deep damning all consequences.
Written by #JosephEdgar
Edited by #DemolaSanyaolu
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